An introduction to Meeting a Dominatrix for the First Time
So it’s your first time meeting a Dominatrix, congratulations on taking the leap! It only gets better from here. I’m sure you have a lot of questions! I’m going to try to answer the basics first and provide you with some resources to help you navigate the realm of BDSM and meeting a dominatrix. So far you’ve done a great job doing your research. You made it here and you’re reading this guide to get an idea of what to expect from your first experience with me, Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls.
First things first, what exactly is a dominatrix anyway? I often get questions asking about what I will or won’t do. Below is the definition from Wikipedia.
What is a Dominatrix?
A dominatrix is a Dominant woman who is enjoys being in control. Plain and simple. She thrives on it and often finds it erotic. She is a creature born of sensuality, sexuality and she uses it to control those who worship her very existence. Her appearance is part of her game but don’t be fooled, this is very much psychological. Self indulgence, the exploration of any and all things hedonistic and carnal is something she seeks and it is a pleasure to be on that ride with her. If you are luck enough to meet a dominatrix, don’t let her slip through your fingers because we are a rare breed.
Definition of Dominatrix
A dominatrix (/ˌdɒmɪˈneɪtrɪks/; pl dominatrixes or dominatrices /-ˈneɪtrɪsiːz, ˌdɒmɪnəˈtraɪ-/), or domme, is a woman who takes the dominant role in BDSM activities. A dominatrix can be of any sexual orientation, but this does not necessarily limit the genders of her submissive partners. Dominatrices are popularly known for inflicting physical pain on their submissive subjects, but this is not done in every case. In some instances erotic humiliation is used, such as verbal humiliation or the assignment of humiliating tasks. Dominatrices also make use of other forms of servitude. Practices of domination common to many BDSM and other various sexual relationships are also prevalent. A dominatrix is typically a paid professional (pro-domme) as the term dominatrix is little-used within the non-professional BDSM scene.
Source: Wikipedia
Now, I know that doesn’t really shed much light on the question “will she do X.” However, every Dominatrix is different in what they are comfortable with. That being said, if you ask immediately most of us will block you.
How to make a Good Introduction
It can feel intimidating to click that contact button but don’t worry, as a dominatrix I meet all sorts of people. The most important thing to remember is that I am a person too and I don’t like having my time wasted or being treated disrespectfully. Here are some tips on how to avoid that:
- When reaching out, please fill out my contact form as completely as you can. I am not going to do anything with your information other than verify that you are a real person.
- Please do not message if you cannot schedule or do not intend to schedule. This is a waste of everyone’s time.
- Take care to communicate your needs, desires and who you are as clearly and respectfully as possible.
- Do not write a huge introduction to begin with. If she asks you to share your interests beforehand, great! But discretion is always critical. Personally, I prefer to negotiate in person.
How to choose a Dominatrix
Only after you have had the opportunity to build a relationship can you discover if someone is the right fit for you but here are some tips on initially figuring out if you might have good chemistry or not:
- You share common interests. This is an obvious one. Unfortunately our sites aren’t always up to date so I suggest looking a social media, videos and even briefly sharing your interests or the “vibe” you’re going for.
- Their play style matches what you’re looking for. This can sometimes be hard to put your finger on if you don’t know what kind of Dominatrix you’re looking for in the first place.
- You like the way they write. How someone presents themselves says a lot about how they conduct themselves in session. For example: I am very fun loving and want my playmates to have a fantastic time but also extremely serious about how I practice BDSM because I consider myself to be an artist of my craft.
- You like the way they look. Obvious, again. There is a huge visual appeal in anything we do. However, photos can’t capture the essence of who someone is. Many people are more enchanting in person because of who they are.
- Their tribute is in your budget. It may seem crass but it is rude to window shop via email.
- There is just something about them. If you can’t put your finger on it, it might be worth exploring.
How to Not Get Scammed
It’s actually pretty easy to avoid getting scammed by a fake dominatrix if you know what to look for:
- Use Google Reverse Image Search on all pictures. You should be able to find their official website that way.
- Do they have a reputable website? (Make sure it is not a copy!) Does all of the contact info match the information found on the website?
- Did they contact you through social media or a dating site? This is a red flag.
- Is it too good to be true? Example: A well known dominatrix or porn star who has a “private” social media account to arrange meet ups.
Why should you Explore BDSM?
Through my experience as a Dominatrix, I have found that a dominant and submissive relationship can be something greater and far more powerful than simply a fun experience (although it is definitively so.) If you open your mind and allow yourself to let go, you’ll be surprised what you can discover. The right connection is critical in this venture, one that I would describe as spiritual, motivational, intimate, powerful and sometimes life changing. A dominatrix can be the best confidant while you are escaping the world on the other side of the door. A non judgmental guide while you kneel before your Goddess, a collar fastened firmly around your neck. More powerful still, a Dominatrix can push you to discover inner strength you never was there while you explore the depths of your desires. I’ve spoken to many people through my years as a professional dominatrix and their biggest regret was not starting their exploration sooner. You can take my word for it or discover for yourself.
At the end of the day, your desires are your desires. They will always be there, they are a part of you. So explore them, you only live once.
Why play with a Professional Dominatrix?
A professional dominatrix such as myself has a lot to offer; From absolute discretion and skills perfected over years of intensive training to elaborate dungeon set ups and years of unique experience, it is very hard to compete with what a professional dominatrix can offer. Personally, I have over a decade of professional training as a Dominatrix and have spent a great deal of my life in the BDSM community. I’ve made a point of being well versed in many areas of BDSM and fetish, highly educated and I have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. As such I’m always searching for new information, exploring and learning from experts. I have attended countless classes and have spent a significant amount of time adding to my knowledge base. There is a saying that you have to spend thousands of hours o become an expert and lifestyle BDSM players simply don’t have the time. A professional Dominatrix who lives a femdom lifestyle however, is a different story. Furthermore, the environment (my dungeon) is different than you might find otherwise, that is to say that my collection of BDSM gear.
Am I the right Dominatrix for you?
Compatibility is critical when it comes to any sort of intimacy but from this point only you can answer if you think I’m the right dominatrix for you, I’m just trying to give you enough information to make an informed decision. I have written a lot about myself and my domination sessions so hopefully you can get an idea of what I enjoy, which is a lot. Primarily I am delighted by people and experiences and I enjoy creating experiences. When it comes to BDSM, I love power and playing with control. There are so many different ways one can manipulate control and so many people are not used to giving up control in a way that feels safe or consensual. I derive so much joy from my play sessions with others and I hope that I can show you how enthralling submission can truly be.
Domina, I’m nervous!
Oh darling, it would be odd if you weren’t! We were all nervous at first. Think about how exciting your first adventure will be! If you are having trouble calming your nerves here are some ideas:
- Take a deep breathe, be mindful and remind yourself that you are going to be okay. You are strong and we are going to have a great time. Nothing is going to go wrong and we are going to negotiate beforehand.
- Remind yourself how exciting it is that you’re trying something new. Nervousness is just excitement in disguise!
- The time will sneak up on you if you find ways to occupy yourself, then it will be a lot more difficult to be nervous!
- Contact her and tell her you’re nervous! A dominatrix is very good at putting your mind at ease, if you give her the opportunity.
Confidentiality is Sacred
In the BDSM community we have a joke, it goes “What’s the first rule of Fight Club?” This joke relates to privacy. It is taken to mean, if you meet someone outside of a BDSM event you act as though you don’t know them. “The First Rule of Fight Club is Don’t Talk about Fight Club.” It’s as if it never happened. That’s my hope for how I we can handle privacy surrounding our interactions.
I take privacy very seriously, any information you give me will not be shared without your consent. All methods of communication are all encrypted for the purposes of privacy, including my form with the exception of phone/texting but you can use encrypted apps and my number is the same there. I am serious about how I conduct myself and I don’t have time to interfere with your life, nor do I care enough to. Privacy is a rare commodity in our current digital age and I want mine respected just as much as you want yours respected. It’s a mutual thing. This is all just an exercise in trust building.
What should I do leading up to my session?
Great question! Leading up to your session, make sure that you have confirmed everything and have planned that you need to plan (tribute, time for travel, time for cleaning yourself up, etc.) You want to give yourself time to get a little subspace going or at least get relaxed. Our sessions are time for you to check out and let everything else drift away.