Kink, BDSM & Fetish Topics

Every wondered about my opinion on something kink related?

A Collection of Thank Yous

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9/22/2013

Good Evening Ruby, I just wanted to touch base with you and thank you for such an incredible session. I liked that you were taller than me, and you being so attractive, I think weakens the defenses of the male brain. I don’t know exactly what you were doing exactly, but I’ve never felt anything quite like that. The waves that kept going on and on at the same intensity even though my body was ready for the waves to subside, they kept on and on going!  Looking forward to next time…..:)


8/22/2013

Hi! Thanks for making my birthday present special.
Here’s a pic of how things are progressing… I love it! Although pain from sitting down is starting to become a memory, I think it’ll probably hardly hurt at all in another day or two 🙁 awww
I loved, loved, loved being sewn shut and I can’t stop thinking about it. We took the sutures out this morning, but I really would have preferred to leave them in much longer. The only reason we didn’t was because we wanted to get it disinfected. I’ve never done something like that before and what I didn’t expect was to be so excited to do it again. I missed having it sewn shut all day.
I also really don’t want to do too much to guide the experience by saying the right (or wrong) thing. For example, I was seriously super excited that I was about to be sounded for the first time, but I didn’t really want to give anything away until after the fact. My sexual fantasies are typically centered around a powerful, anonymous figure or captor inflicting their torments on me. I like the experience to feel non-consensual for my part, including not having an exit or safeword. (I might clarify, it isn’t so much about wanting to feel like a victim, so much as it is the power of the dehumanization and objectification that this situation implies).
Obviously a safeword is needed for some situations, like when, for example, I’m about to faint… 🙂 but for a situation to feel real or genuine enough to really capture my interest I need to feel like it can’t simply be shut down once started. If I’ve committed to “hurt me however you want”, but I can stop it with a word, then the situation has no power. I want – NEED – “wimping out” to be an invalid use of a safeword.
It’s this desire to feel totally out of control that prompted all of the negotiation for the scene to happen out of my hands in the first place. If my girlfriend negotiates for me, I am a) robbed of the ability to describe in pedantic detail what I want and b) relieved of the uncomfortable sensation of having to ask for torment that I want inflicted on me with sadistic disregard of my feelings
On a related note, I read your blog post, “The Problem with Dominants” and I have to say that this really stuck out to me: “In many ways I find traditional power exchange (I am the dominant because we’ve decided this) to be corny and unrealistic“. This is exactly how I feel. I’m not really much of a submissive person, though most of my fantasies place me on the bottom. That power is TAKEN from me, BEATEN (or extorted) out of me, not given up willingly. I’m cooperative with a play partner to the extent that I want to have a good experience, like letting myself get tied up in the first place, but I hate the idea of becoming a simpering wimp with no justification. Really I would prefer to be bound and helpless for the duration of a scene, so that I can feel free to struggle and protest in vain. The more I have to cooperate with my own torment, in many ways the less realistic and less erotic it becomes.
Do let us know when you get your scary new lead-filled toy in. I’d be happy to help you break it in. And I’m really excited to get into a whole bunch of other fucked up stuff.
Hoping to be the object of your abuse again soon,

10/20/2013

Dear Madame Ruby, Thank You for the unbelievably amazing experience yesterday! Your exquisite touch and expert guidance in fulfilling my long held dream was magical. Thank You so very kindly Madame. You are amazing! 🙂 Thank You Madame! I hope I did truly please You and bring You enjoyment. You rocked my world Ma’am. 

9/24/2013

Hi Goddess Ruby,Is it okay to for me to address you that way? First of all I’d like to thank you for our most recent time together. I’m sorry I didn’t have much to say afterward. I do have a few notes that I’ve been meaning to pass on to you.
The sounding was something I’d do again in spite of it being the most painful thing we tried. I think I could start to enjoy the intensity of the pain, and also the idea of stretching to accommodate larger objects as you mentioned such as fingers or toys is intriguing. Each time you pressed on me with your hand I could feel the same pain but to a lesser degree, so it was an interesting combination.The bondage made everything that much more tantalizing, so I’d definitely do that again. I also enjoyed seeing the pattern of the rope marks on my skin.The toothpick as you called it was frightening because I imagined it skewering me. Thank you so much for painting my toenails. I know you didn’t have to do that and it made me feel good. I haven’t purchased a corset yet; the options were somewhat overwhelming. For now I have a waist cincher, and it seems to work okay.

9/25/2013

Ruby,
First of all thank you so much for your guidance last night. Another awesome session! I skipped my masturbation session early this morning as you ordered. I instead thought of an idea. I take frequent trips for work that last anywhere from 2 to 5 days sometimes. If I ordered a chastity device I could experience a few days of it without anyone knowing. I found some small padlocks that actually use 4 letter words as the combination. If I ordered a 4 pack of the locks I could have them sent to you you could come up with the word combinations and mail them to me without me knowing the words that unlock them. I could snap the lock in place at the beginning of the trip and you could text me the word to unlock the lock on the last day right before I get home. That way I arrive home after several days of chastity and ready to see my wife. I know that might be more of a hassle than you care for with the locks but I would pay you to do it if your interested.
I love letting you control and guide me on this journey! I slept with my headphones on last night with the hypno mp3 from Candice called Pussywhipped. I keep hearing some of the catch phrases like to get the pussy you have to be the pussy. I am so glad you understand my submissive desire and do not judge me for them.

8/22/2013

Hi Ruby,
It was great seeing you last night. Overall I enjoyed myself, but was a little disappointed in size and hardness (he didn’t seem to ever get really hard) of you know what.

Actually I was most turned on by – a sexy woman – than anything else…as that is what I’m most interested in anyway! And mostly I like lingerie on sexy women too…

A Collection of Thank Yous Read More »

The Ultimate Submissive Relationship

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The following is a write up I asked of one of my long distance submissives. This write up is about what his idea of the perfect dominant/submissive looks like and what submission means for him.

I have always thought of submission as the ultimate gift to a Dominant partner. The biggest fear is that the Dominant will not view this gift to be as special as the person giving it. I think it’s very important to be treated well as a sub. If I feel special to a Dominant I will move mountains for them. I also think it is up to the sub to relinquish all control to the Dominant with trust they are making decisions in your best interest whether you agree with them or not. If these two parts are present in a relationship the sky is the limit. In my own situation I finally feel I have someone I trust enough to give my gift of submission to. She makes me want to be a better person, a better husband, and a better father. I love to do everything she ask and more because I know it makes her feel special. The things I would like to do in the future are encourage her to take more and more control. The more she controls me the more I know how much I mean to her. The great thing is she praises me doing things well which is as good as foreplay to my submissive nature. I would like for here to chastise me at some point not because I need it for temptations of other women but as a way to remind me constantly who owns my heart, body, and soul. Also maybe some day we could use spanking as a way to establish a corrective action. Sexually she dominates me already by initiating sex which I totally am into. I think I am very close to where I want to be but the chastity and spanking would be such a great addition to our relationship. Some of my friends say I am pussywhipped and I say YES I am end of conversation. I have no problem admitting that she wears the pants in the relationship. Most men do not understand that it is a privilege to be pussywhipped. This means someone cares enough about you to invest time into your development into a better person. To me dominance means love. Dominance is a tool to shape you what they want you to become. If you trust that person enough they will improve you. I cant explain enough what a gift I have received from Miss Ruby to be able to talk about my desires and how to make them happen. Her guidance and firm hand have paved the way to happiness for me. I hope she realizes how treasured my time with her is. She is the best marriage councilor in the world. I cannot wait to  achieve new levels of submission to my wife with her help. YES I am pussywhipped and love it!

The Ultimate Submissive Relationship Read More »

A Lucky Boy

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The following is a paragraph from a short story that I asked my new house boy to write after having met me. I enjoyed reading it so much that I thought I would share it with everyone. 🙂

It could be pheromones, it could be that she’s fucking gorgeous, it could be her natural presence of a strong and successful woman who knows what she wants and how to get it or, maybe it’s all of those and more rolled into one irresistible package. What I do know, is the moment Miss Ruby walked into that café I didn’t care one single bit about anyone else seated nearby or around. Usually, I’m always conscious of my surroundings. I scan the people sitting all around me, the people coming and going but fuck them, fuck the waitress, fuck the people walking by on the street, I had Miss Ruby sitting in front of me. She was intoxicating, like in the old movies where the beautiful female singer is strolling down the staircase and singing in some dark and sultry voice, all eyes are on her and everyone wants to be the lucky one. She was dressed sexy, not trashy or underdressed or trying to wear something she wasn’t comfortable in but dressed like she knew what she was doing and was confident about what she was walking around in. She had the most amazing smile which draws you in and makes you want to smile and all encompassed in these beautiful full lips that she has. Lips that make you want to beg for a kiss right then and there even though you know that you don’t deserve that kiss. She was intelligent, knew how to convey her thoughts and actually had thoughts to convey and they all made me think. It’s a real blessing to be with someone who makes you think, even when you don’t want to or about things that you don’t want to. Someone who can stroke your mind is a thousand times more irresistible than someone who can stroke your cock. She had insights into life that made me look at things a different way and had a truly believable caring quality about her. And yes, this was all before we had even ordered food. Miss Ruby was a dominant woman that I wanted to serve. When we did get food, she placed some of hers on a fork and fed it to me, it felt oddly perfect and I took what she offered to me as something sacred, like I was the luckiest boy on the planet to get to have a bite of what was on her plate. I may have been smiling the entire time I first met Miss Ruby.

Who knows, maybe all of you will be lucky enough to read the rest.

A Lucky Boy Read More »

Some Thoughts on Inner Strength and Pro-Domme

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I love my job. There’s such a thrill that comes along with meeting someone new and unknown for bdsm play. What role will he want to play? Will he like me? Will we get along? Will we connect well during play? It completes me like nothing else but it is a hardship at times. To be a dominatrix, a cam girl, an escort or any other kind of sex worker takes the strength to take on the deepest desires and darkest fantasies of a stranger and to make their wildest dreams come true without devaluing, compromising and destroying yourself. to do that well takes an immense amount of strength and the willingness to be vulnerable.
Let me get one thing straight, I am not being paid to be a hole. I am being paid to be myself and use my own passions to make the fantasies of others come true. By coming out and saying “this is who I am. I’m kinky as hell, I like watching others enjoy themselves and even though we don’t know if we have chemistry, I’m willing to accept money to meet you and take the chance that you aren’t going to rape, kill, stalk, harass or otherwise try to hurt me.”
Every part of that statement is a challenge in and of itself and on a day to day basis I don’t know how I manage to trust the world so much to accept so much of who I am and more surprisingly still, to want to spend time with me so badly that they’ll pay me for the experience.
The days that I expose the most of myself are the days that I excel the most and the days that my clients and friends enjoy the most and knowing that gives me the strength to keep allowing new people to see very intimate sides of me.
Who am I intimately anyways? We all wear disguises in some shape so that we can avoid being hurt but what kind of things are lurking underneath that?

On the exterior, I’m strong, I’m focused but goofy, I’m eager to watch other enjoy themselves and sometimes off the cuff things fall out of my mouth.
Under that… I like causing pain and I love watching people want me.. desire my touch and crave more of me. But it’s complicated because although I love to please, I love to deny even more. To watch my victim squirm uncomfortably with delight and disappointment. Sometimes it’s hard to keep them on the hook after saying no but that’s my favorite part.
Sometimes, I’m insecure like most people. I fear that I’m over valuing myself and driving other away because of that. I’m worried that I’m not good enough, skilled enough, competent enough or intelligent enough to pull off the plans I’m trying to release to the world. Although I have this uncanny ability to just make things work and some weird sort of luck/magic seems to follow me where ever I go. Maybe I’m just really good at handling crisis/stressful situations. That must be it; Sometimes I act like a total tit in a social situation and I shove my foot in my mouth while being a complete ass. Sometimes literally. Yet I manage to be suave enough to not absolutely abhor most people. Despite the fact that these situations I create embarrass and horrify me, I can’t seem to stop doing them. Regardless of whether or not I’ve had something to drink.

Deepest of all… I’m afraid that I’ll become a spinster who gets emotional and social fixes from work instead of reaching out to other people. Work is easier. Want to know why? I know the other people involved like me, at least a bit. If they don’t, I don’t hear from them and that’s that. Rejection is scary because still at some base level, my value as a person is tied up in the approval of others.
But you know what? It doesn’t have to be. I’m imperfect and I’m okay with that.

What really counts? I try. I give life and experiences as much as I can and then I push myself a little bit harder and that makes me proud, even when I fail miserably.

Some Thoughts on Inner Strength and Pro-Domme Read More »

Lesbian Femdom Erotica, Part One

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When our eyes first met I knew she would be trouble; She was twisted like I am, improper but hiding it just beneath the surface of herself that she presented to the world. When she spoke her words flowed in a tone that oozed confidence and control but much like how she presented herself, there was another side to that. A side which I as determined to explore simply because she was fighting so hard to conceal it.

Our interactions began benignly enough; A little dirty joke here, an accidental touch there but of course our interactions were bound to escalate. Which they did and quite swiftly at that. One evening when we were innocently enjoying each other’s company while working on our own projects I decided to test the waters and see how far she would allow me to push the envelope, our relationship and of course, her.

“Come closer, little girl.” I cooed at her from over the ominous glow of my laptop. She paused for a moment and gave me a look that could only mean that she was both insulted and intrigued by the words with which I chose to address her. Yet she inched up off her seat and walked across the room towards me with the little wiggle in her walk that she often used to garner attention, probably unintentionally. I set my laptop aside and patted the couch next to me “Sit.” I hissed softly while a smile crept across my face. She looked taken aback by my command but obeyed it anyways. “You realize that I give orders not follow them, right?” She said with a scoff. I replied by widening my smile into a devious sneer and reaching out towards her.

“Excuse me.” She exclaimed while grabbing my wrist. “Did you hear me?” I withdrew my hand slowly and answered her question “Of course I did, I chose to ignore your comment and see how you would respond.” Her eyes narrowed with suspicion and I knew that the moments following our exchange would either end very well or very very poorly. I sighed and continued to withdraw my hand until she loosened her grip on me and then I struck. In one swift movement I lunged myself forward and she moved to leap up off the couch, which I had hoped for. As her hips broke contact with the plush material of the couch I caught her neck in the crook of my arm and pulled her back towards me. She responded by lashing at me with her dominant hand which I quickly snatched with my free hand and then pinned it behind her back with my free hand while hooking my legs over her hips and across her thighs. She was trapped but laughing.

At first, she fought me; Trying to rip her hand away from me and pry my fingers off but every time she moved or thought she had gotten some ground back, she only got herself into a less optimal position. That was until I gave her an opening to get up which she did, a little awkwardly as if she was expecting, no, hoping for more. “So…” She began, her cheeks a little flushed “That was new.” I stood up with her and reached for her again, she did not push me back. “Did you like it?” I whispered into her ear. She nodded and backed away from me, towards the nearest wall, I took the cue and pushed her back against it with a bit of force. When she made contact with the wall she let out a little gasp of enjoyment and turned her head to the side and whimpered softly. I grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head and slid my knee between her legs to brace myself against the wall. “Oh no, not that..” She whimpered softly and unconvincingly as she pulled her head down, exposing her neck. I again, took her cue and wrapped my hand around her neck, giving it a little squeeze. She responded with a soft moan, I applied more pressure.

“Mmm…!” she cooed with her eyes now closed “… Harder… Please…” I obliged, happily and ran a finger across her collar bones and between her breast with my free hand. She squirmed ever so slightly and puffed her chest out at me, begging me to continue. …..

Lesbian Femdom Erotica, Part One Read More »

Jack; More than a Client

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“I’m not into anything weird.” He said, unabashedly but rather awkwardly. Immediately, I knew he was different but I didn’t know what exactly to make of him. “Maybe… He’s lying.” was of course my first thought and of course if someone is lying to a professional who deals with the deepest and darkest desires and fantasies of others it must either be something really awful or something really awful must have happened to him and now he feels the need to conceal his true intentions and desires. Either way, it was a cause for concern.  That concern only grew when he informed me that he just wanted to hangout with me over dinner, in public and chat about shit that regular people talk about. Don’t get me wrong; I think I’m pretty freaking awesome but honestly, who pays someone to just shoot the shit?

Apparently Jack does.
And Jack is awesome.

Jack is a funny guy; He’s straight laced with a very off color sense of humor (in fact he has supplied me with the absolutely WORST jokes I have in my arsenal), he’s the most casually professional person I have ever met, he looks a lot like the first boy I ever loved and he is dying (which he confessed to me once and then promptly forgot.)  Jack is hilarious, what he does is hilarious, his sense of humor, his ideas, the way he conducts himself; Everything. It is impossible to be uncomfortable around him and even more impossible to feel threatened by him. He is genuinely a great a person and because of who he is he is hands down my favorite client, hell I consider him a real friend.

For most people who work in any service industry it’s very easy to separate work from personal life but in a field where you are selling intimacy and trust, the lines become a bit blurred. To be honest, I make almost no attempt to separate the two because I hate feeling as if I am not being genuine. For me because I identify as polyamorous, every client I see is a relationship in a certain sense although it is one with a very defined exchange, well laid out limitations and often a set end time. In this kind of mindset I allow myself to really connect with other people and be who I am as a person as well as a Domina; I don’t fake my way through meetings.

For someone like myself (an empath, specifically) it’s really important for me to connect with people and as Domina who fetishizes transforming people and pushing them to their limits I have to understand my submissive entirely and read their responses with very few, if any, errors. Meeting Jack helped me understand the importance of not being impersonal and allowing myself to comfortably and safely connect with the people I see. This, if anything is what really sets me apart from other dominas (although many that I know in Seattle also do this.)

To bring this all back to my original point; Meeting Jack made me a better person and significantly improved my life, as much of this line of work has done. Thank you Jack, for contributing to my growth and overall person. 🙂

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Progression as a Domina

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This evening I filmed some new content during a session with one of my favorite submissives. He’s obedient, trusting, always on time, a great conversationalist, respectful yet not timid, he can take what I dish out and I genuinely enjoy his company in and out of session; Our dynamic together is always good and our sessions are always fun. After filming, I started going through what all was on my camera which turned out to be a bunch of sessions I had filmed over the last year or so.

Like most people, over the last year I have grown A LOT and it shows on camera. Everything from how I carry myself to my skill level in session has changed drastically and I would say for the better. Most notably, I have become very skilled at interacting with people and controlling their actions. I have never considered myself to be lacking skill in either of these areas but these days it appears that I effortlessly flow through conversation, banter and play to the point of where it looks utterly effortless. I’m pleased to say that I am quite proud of the way I have been conducting myself, save for a few off days and the confidence shines through which only seems to make me shine brighter.

On a side note, I really should film more; It’s a freaking blast!

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The Problem with Dominants

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I’ve always been into Primal play: The kind of play where no power exchange dynamic is certain, everything is a battle, the struggle is rough and dirty and sometimes people do actually get hurt. Maybe it’s because I get to be both a sadist and a masochist that I love fighting oh so very much.

Wrestling, grappling, submissions, punching, kicking, slapping, grabbing, pulling, head locks, leg locks, arm bars, pins, choke outs, pressure points, scissors, lift and carries… Oh my!

The process of the battle is just so intoxicating; The rush of anxiety at the beginning, the stress of the battle itself, the glory of winning, the embarrassment of losing and the afterglow courtesy of the endorphins racing through my body as a result of intense physical activity. Nothing else quite captures me the same way as a physical power struggle does because nothing else seems to outline both roles so boldly while at the same time leaving them both up for grabs. The dominant party is only the dominant when they are winning or have won and the next second could be completely different; Dominance must be won or earned. Which quite honestly, is a concept I think more people involved in D/s and power exchange should consider or even be aware of.

In many ways I find traditional power exchange (I am the dominant because we’ve decided this) to be corny and unrealistic. In many situations it isn’t an accurate representation of that person, their skills or even the role they identify with. Sometimes the person in the dominant role is just taking direction from the other person because they didn’t really want to be in the dominant role or maybe the submissive party has refused to give up control unless it’s under this one specific condition.
To give a real world example of a situation where dominance was not correctly placed:

Recently I read a post a man had written about the issues he faced when trying to cut his bottom down from an inverted suspension. It was my understanding that he had three up lines: A gravity boot on each foot and a chest harness. Upon changing the positioning of the gravity boots (from the ends of a spreader bar to the center) a knot had slipped and had tightened down the gravity boot causing the bottom’s foot to be pinched uncomfortably. Understandably, the bottom panicked and asked to be let down. Well, no. She commanded her top to cut her down which is exactly what he attempted to do and exactly what he should not have done.
Why should he have not tried to cut her down? First of all it meant he had to leave his bottom, presumably with one of the up lines not secured. Second, literally cutting someone down from an inversion is effectively dropping them on their head although at that point several people had rushed over to help. Thirdly in the time it took him to cut her down he could have had her safely on the ground and resting if he had just untied her. Especially since he had people there to help who could have taken the weight off her foot, held the up lines, ect.
I am in no way trying to advocate for ignoring your bottom; If something is wrong, you need to address it. However, as the dominant person in the scene it is your responsibility to make the best decisions for your bottom and to have the knowledge and know how to prevent emergency situations from occurring and to also have the knowledge and skill to correctly respond to emergency situations. I don’t believe that this person had the necessary skills needed to respond safely in this situation; Namely, he lacked the confidence and experience that he needed to correctly assess and respond to this situation.
So what should he have done?
Initially, he should attempted to calm his bottom down to avoid the chaos of a heap of people rushing over and trying to help in a panicked manner. Then he should have just called someone over to help support her and take the weight off the foot that was hurting (or even do that himself )  while he untied her and lowered her to the ground. At most, releasing the up lines should have taken 30 seconds or so. Where as the chaotic attempts to hack her out of the rope took several minutes and several different blades.
Over all, it seems to me that no one who responded to this situation was thinking of anything besides the distress of the bottom which can be a dangerous thing when the top’s ability to assess a situation can make the difference between a safe bottom and one with a cracked skull.

Obviously, not all incidents involving traditional power exchange are corny (sometimes they can even be hot) and not all dominants are unable to maintain control in a scene/are faking control  but I have witnessed enough train wrecks in human interactions to notice a general theme; Implied or predetermined D/s or power exchange with no basis for testing and defining limits will end horribly. What exactly does that mean, you ask? Simply that in order to have power or control over a person you must earn it and you must be responsible for the control you take.

But I’m the DOMINANT! That means I make the rules and call the shots!

Sure, you’re making the decisions and that’s kind of a given but why should anyone listen to what you’re saying? What have you honestly done to earn submission from someone? Are you qualified to be in control in this situation? What if it goes horribly wrong? Have you earned your submissive’s trust? If not, why not and why are they willing to submit to you? Most importantly of all, why do you want to be in control and why do you think you deserve it?
My point of all these questions being that you need to check yourself constantly when it comes to power exchange. If the people involved in most of the train wrecks I mentioned earlier had done something to check themselves and their skills in an honest way, the issues could have been prevented.
Whether it be planning for emergencies, testing your submissive’s respect for you with protocol or having an honest chat with someone whose opinion you trust about your skills, earning the right to be dominant is an aspect so often over looked.

So next time when you go to assert your dominance or top a scene, really ask yourself this: Is my submissive’s trust in me well placed?

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