How to Guides

Guide to Urethral Sounding

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Seatlte Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls Latex Medical Fetish Mistress, Expert on Urethral Sounding

Urethral Sounding is a very popular medfet activity and due to its popularity in videos, its something that many people are curious about. The first question I am always asked is “does it hurt?” The answer should be “no!” As long as you use the appropriate lube, correct angle, adequate technique, good instruments and everything is sanitary- Sounding should NOT be painful. For that matter, catheterization really shouldn’t be either but plastic is harder to work with than metal but I digress. That’s why I threw away all of my silicone sounds.

In my opinion, soft skills like power exchange and humiliation play are much harder to master than hard skills like urethra sounding. This is because there is a simple set of rules and guidelines you can follow to achieve your goal. With soft skills, it gets a bit trickier. Let’s start with what you absolutely need to have in order to actually do urethral sounding- The gear.

The Gear for Urethral Sounding

What Urethral Sounds Should I Buy?

There are many models of sounds. For beginners, I recommend Double Ended Pratt urethra Sounds or Double Ended Hegar urethra sounds.  Rolled steel sounds are best, they are more expensive but they will last longer and you can run them through an autoclave or boil them. Sounds come either millimeters or french for sizing purposes. 1 mm is 3 fr. So a 6mm sound is also an 18fr. Typically sounds come in kits unless you are buying an unusual style but I wouldn’t recommend starting with that.

Individually Packaged Sterile Lube

Why individually packaged surgical lube? Simple. Once you open it, it is no longer sterile. That’s fine for other play but with sounding. You want to maintain as clean of a field as possible. Pretend that you are playing surgeon. When I am doing a sounding scene, I pay attention to order of operations- If there is any butt stuff, that comes last.


Cleaning Your urethral Sounds

The traditional way is boiling them or running them through an autoclave if you have it.
You want to have medical grade sealing sterilization pouches that fit your sounds, pop them in and boil them for at least 20 minutes.
Once they are done cooking, do not remove them from the package until you are ready to use them because you will break the sterile field.
However, many sounds are only coated and not solid pure steel and boiling breaks down the coating. If you aren’t sure of the quality of your sounds or you don’t have sealed medical packets to sterilize your sounds in, wipe them down with a medical grade cleaner like cavicide. However, you need to make absolutely sure to completely remove and clean the disinfectant off before use as it is harmful to humans and even melts plastics! 

Prepping for Urethral Sounding

Always inspect your sounds for any rust, degradation, cracks or rough spots before use. These cosmetic issues can be a home for bacteria or worse, cut your partner’s intimate parts during play. You definitely don’t want that! Before using my sounds,  I make sure that I have grabbed my lube packets, BZK or alcohol wipes and have wiped down a surface to hold all my things. (Medical trays or tables work well.)
If I haven’t used the boiling method, I will wipe my sounds down with alcohol or BZK if they have not been boiled and I repeat the process with my gloves and the urethra. (Pro tip: BZK doesn’t sting. But make sure to check the expiration date on anything you use, including lube.) Allow time for the solution to dry, this is how most sanitizers kill bacteria and viruses.

Beginning with Urethral Sounding

Urethral sounding is pretty straightforward. You want to match the size of the rod to the hole of the urethra, going larger means it won’t fit and too small runs the risk of scratching or puncturing the wall so it has to be just right. You are better going too large than too small though. By holding the tip of a sound near the opening to the urethra, you can guess the size.
In order to sound someone, you want to lubricate the sound, being careful to not allow the open part of the lube packet or the sound to touch other surfaces and once your sound is out of the sterile packet, you cannot set it down or touch past the handle or outside the center (depending on the type.) Don’t worry, this is the most difficult part.

Allow the Weight of the Urethral Sound to Carry it

Once your sound is lubricated, align it with the urethra and allow the weight of the sound to slowly pull it in while you gently hold the base of the penis to prevent bending (if your partner has one.) Be careful to not lose your grip or let go, as you may end up with the sound completely lost (it is retrievable but you want to avoid this.) Ask if there is ANY discomfort, burning, stretching, poking, if it hurts or feels wrong. Also look for any redness, signs of inflammation (redness or swelling,) and of course, bleeding. If all is good, then you’re good to go. Sometimes folks can have a reaction to the lube so it’s good to have a couple brand choices and/or different batch on hand. Or it may just be too inflammatory for someone that day or entirely. Everyone’s body is different and the worst thing you can do with something delicate is force it to happen. Same with fisting.

Now that your sound is comfortably inside, you can glide it in and out! Feel free to experiment with different shapes and types of sounds. One of my favorite shops is The Chain Gang. They have some great guides and typically offer much higher quality toys than you’ll run into on Amazon or your average BDSM shop as they are a specialty store.
Good luck and have fun!

Still curious? Feel free to contact me!

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Top 5 Questions Everyone asks a Dominatrix

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Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls in her seattle dungeon with a Slave

Have you ever wondered what your Dominatrix’ favorite bdsm activity is? Or how you can be a better a slave? Perhaps the following can point you in the right direction. Below are my 5 most frequently asked questions and my answers. You might find the questions and their answers a bit surprising. Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls has the answers to your questions and some tips.

What is your favorite thing to do in a session?

It depends on my connection with the person I’m playing with. Having overlapping interests is important. I’m big on bondage, predicaments and power exchange. I really enjoy mind fucks and getting to be creative. I often tend to get really into a theme for a while. A bit ago it was medical then ADBL, chastity roleplay scenarios, prisoner stuff… it’s always something and my specific interests seem to rotate and shift. I enjoy curating an experience for someone.. The more creative the better. I like longer scenes so I can build up ideas and get to know someone, knowing someone over a longer period of time helps with this as well. Nothing can beat intimate knowledge of the inner workings of someone.

What got you into BDSM and the Femdom lifestyle?

Like many of the people I talk to, I have been kinky for as long as I can remember. If you’ve read my about me, I talk about being kinky when I was pretty young, when it was literally just a game. I don’t see anything wrong with that, although many people I’ve spoken to want to find the reason they are into bdsm. This implies to me that it is something to be fixed when I don’t think that’s true. That’s like saying any preference is inherently wrong. It’s my belief that a homogeneous world is pretty dull, among other things.

But I digress. I’ve always had an interest in Bdsm and the very first adult images I found were femdom related. So it seems normal that I would trend that direction, especially considering that I was raised in a female dominant environment.

Are other people into my fetish?

The shortest answer is yes. I’ve played with many, many people and I can tell you with complete confidence that even if someone hasn’t engaged in your particular fetish, there’s definitely an interest. We live in a kinky world. The biggest barrier to entry is unfortunately, shame.

What do you find attractive in a submissive/slave?

The evil variation of this question is “will you go on a date with me” or worse “can I be your live in slave?” Before asking such questions, consider the one posed above and ask yourself “what do I like most about me?” Personally what I like most about my slaves is that they are considerate, kind and respectful. Every person I notice has a willingness to consider the needs and desires of others and makes an effort to do so. It’s often small things that make the biggest impressions.

Seattle Dominatrix Ruby Enraylls is dressed in black latex with her latex slave in her Seattle BDSM Dungeon where she takes requests for Femdom and mistress sessions

What can I do to have the best session with my Domina?

Communicate! Clearly, honestly and respectfully. Sending a long fantasy and play by play isn’t particularly helpful to be completely honest. Writing out a list of yes’s and no’s, hard and soft limits and any specific things you want to try is a great way to start. I prefer to communicate such things at the beginning of the session unless there is something you think I won’t have or something that will need to be prepped for or negotiated. As we get to know each other more, I find that sometimes planning gets a bit more elaborate and more communication before we meet up is necessary or desired.

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10 Essential BDSM Toys for Beginners

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Everyone has to start somewhere, this is a BDSM toy guide for anyone starting a collection. I wanted to share my favorite BDSM toys and gear I think is essential for any kit in an easy format. Whether you are a domestic dominatrix in training, a couple looking to spice things up or a loyal sub with dreams of having the perfect toy kit, this list is for you.

  1. Strap on harness

Every dominatrix needs a good harness that fits well, is comfortable and gets the job done right. For the beginning dominatrix you might think “I will get a kit” but that is a mistake. Strap on kits usually come with a nylon strap harness and dildos that are so-so (usually too big or too small.) It may take a while to figure out what you like best but my favorite is The Jag by Aslan Leathers I like thong harnesses that can be converted and the leather is treated so it’s easy to clean and doesn’t break down over time.

  1. Dildos

It will take a while for anyone who is a beginner dominatrix to figure out what kind of dildos they like but I recommend materials that are body safe over jelly toys or PVC. I think it’s important to make sure it’s easy to clean/cover as well. Tantus has a great selection of toys to choose from that come in a variety of colors and sizes.

  1. Restraints

 Restraints are very personal in their appeal. Maybe you’re a leather fan, or perhaps you enjoy the art of rope bondage. For those who are first exploring bondage, I have enjoyed Hemp Rope by Twisted Monk. It’s more expensive than what you will find at a hardware store but also more versatile. For example, you can use rope to tie a set of handcuffs or a create a cuff that you can attach anywhere. I began with rope and still find its meditative process to be grounding and a great way of building energy and anticipation within the scene.

  1. Impact Toys

Everyone loves the mental image of the dominatrix with the whip, right? It’s classic and unforgettable. However, learning to use a whip takes a lot of practice. I suggest starting with something like a riding crop, paddle or flogger first. I love Cane-iac for their creativity with unusual materials and their superb execution of the classics (like a cane, for example.)

  1. Sensory play Toys

Oooh, sensory play. There are so many different ways you can take this- Pokey toys, soft floggers, electro play… It all depends on the vibe of the scene. Sensory play increases suspense when you use it to build a scene or it can push the experience over the top. You can’t go wrong with a wartenberg wheel, honestly. I like playing the game of keeping myself to oe random toy and seeing how much I can do with it.

  1. Hoods/Blindfolds

Hoods and such aren’t for everyone, some people feel very claustrophobic in them but I think they are a great tool to have in your tool kit. You can surprise someone with sensations or take complete control of them. Personally, I like hoods with the mouth exposed like the Cocksucker Hood by Mr S but in a pinch an eye mask for sleeping is great.

  1. Nipple play 

Surprisingly, many don’t know about the benefits of exploring nipple play- They are an unfortunately overlooked erogenous zone. I like to warm up with plastic clothes pins which are easily cleanable. If you want to leave the realm of sensory exploration, you can make them squirm with a strong set of clover clamps.

  1. Gags  

Are they too noisy? Plug their mouth with a gag to really make them feel helpless! I like ball gags personally but a good dental gag or even a ring gag has a place in my dungeon. I love versatility in all my toys so I find that the options provided by Bondage Webbing to be a perfect fit.

  1. Paddles

How will they know that you mean business unless you can really give them a good, hard spanking? I prefer paddles from Cane-iac. They have a variety of paddles in many different kinds of wood (yes that makes a difference. Let’s say it “hits different.”) More importantly, I’m yet to break one of their products. Save for canes, of course.

  1. A collar 

Lead them around and help them find sub space by locking a collar on. Many subs have told me how a collar has a been emotional impact on them, why not use that power to control them and pull them exactly into the headspace that you want? A formal leather slave collar is wonderful but so is a dog collar. What is your preference? I think quality is very important, so one of my favorite stores is Leather By Danny. You may recognize many of the designs there, now you have found the original source of the creativity.

Image by Tantus

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How to Size a Chastity Cage

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Seattle chastity mistress

There are so many different types of chastity cages to choose from, making a selection sometimes seems impossible. There are many different styles, materials, shapes, you name it! Which one is right for you? Hopefully I can shed some light on how to purchase a chastity device that will work for you by illuminating some critical consideration points.

Before we start with sizing we need to consider how you’ll use this device. Are you going to be locked up for an hour while you go out and get groceries for your Mistress? Is it a night of chastity for you, lucky boy? Perhaps something more long term like a week of being locked in your cage. Maybe something more intense still like a long term chastity contract that spans weeks, months or if you’re really lucky, years. Each duration has different considerations to make with the fit, sizing, materials and even locking devices.

Let’s start out with the basics

How to Size a Chastity Cage

How to Measure for a Chastity Device

Where do you need to measure for fitting a chastity device?

  1. The circumference of the shaft of the penis
  2. The length of the penis
  3. The circumference of the entire genital (below the base of the penis and the testicles)

You must take these measurements while your penis is soft then repeat them when it is erect to get adequate sizing.

The sizing for most chastity cages or devices tends to come in MM so convert your measurements into MM using Google.

How to Fit a Chastity Device Properly

Many basic devices offer a variety of different sizes of base rings (the ring that goes around the entirety of your genitalia.) This ring holds your chastity device in place and prevents it from falling off. Before purchasing a device take a piece of string the same length as one of the rings you are considering and feel how it feels tied around the base of your penis. This should give you an idea of the fit in that department.

As far as length, try to find a middle ground between your length when soft and when hard. However, that is kind of up to your discretion. Do you want that classic feeling of being cramped and unable to get erect? Lean closer to your soft measurement. Need more room for longer term wear? Go somewhere in the middle or go with the full length if possible.

Picking the right material is mostly a weight issue or a customization question. Do you like the weight of metal or do you not mind the extra effort to put on plastic? Silicone is easy in all of these areas but not secure. 3D printed is highly customized, covers all the bases but expensive and not good as a first choice.

As far as locks the biggest question is how trustworthy are you? Metal locks provide that extra security plus the classic literal keyholder element. The numbered plastic locks can be removed and put back on be crafty subs (for that matter the plastic cages can be broken with enough force.) So metal can’t be beaten in that regard (for the really enthusiastic chastity players you can find some pretty intense full metal belts.) However, is your chastity sub going through lots of airport security or is there another reason they might need to remove it? Bluetooth unlocking options such as apps are a great option. Bluetooth luggage locks are fun too but they can’t get wet. All of these are fun options with long distance training.

At the end of the day, trust is always a huge part of any type of play. Being kept in line or keeping someone in line is critical but a struggle loses it’s charm. 😉

Examples of Different Chastity Devices

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Different Styles of Chastity Cages

Your basic styles are the same: A place to put your penis and some type of ring that holds the cage securely in place. However what tends to vary is how the device goes on, how snugly it fits and how easy it is to put on. The devices with hinged rings are super easy to put on but not good for long term wear as they press. The metal tubes can be bulky and if the ring is the wrong size it can be difficult if not impossible to fit all your gear inside. The plastic devices are also difficult to put on at first and usually require lubricant or the aid of a q-tip. I wouldn’t recommend wearing a sound for long periods at all.

Chastity in Summary

Everything is customized to your fit, read descriptions, look at reviews and always measure first. It takes trial and error to get the right fit, I wouldn’t recommend getting the most expensive custom cage first until you’ve tried things out a bit. That being said if you are confident that you know what you want there are many options in that direction.
However, if the cage is uncomfortable or causes any swelling, bruising, burning, tingling, numbness, cold spots or discoloration remove it immediately. Some pretty nasty things can go wrong if you aren’t careful. Luckily, in a pinch your friendly neighborhood hardware store sells bolt cutters for under 20 bucks.

I hope this has helped you make some decisions about buying your chastity device! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
If you are interested in exploring chastity, I delight in being a keyholder. Check out my page about that here!

Resources:
https://lockedinlust.com/how-to-measure/
https://www.maturemetal.com/guide-to-measuring-your-penis-for-a-chastity-device/
https://lockthecock.com/blogs/chastity-fun/choosing-the-right-one

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Sizing Women’s Clothes for Sissies, Feminization & Crossdressing

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womens clothing sissy size guide

All around the world, women lament the chore of trying to divinate the size of their clothes.

When trying to figure out your size in women’s clothes as a Sissy, for feminization or crossdressing it gets a bit more complicated.

0 here, 12 there, 40 over there. It makes no sense. That’s just crossing countries. Try crossing brands. If I look into my jeans drawer I can find 26, 27, 28, 29, 2, 4, 6, xx small, small, medium and one size fits all. Who could possibly figure out how to order pants when you’re coming from a world of waist by length? I guess what I’m saying here is that no brand is standard in sizing when it comes to women’s clothing and the material and cut makes a huge difference in the fit. You never really know how something will fit until you have it on but usually size guides for sites will lend some help.

The trick comes in several parts.

This is an important tool you’ll need, however.

Know your measurements
However you’re planning on dressing, you better take your bust, waist and hip. The bust is the biggest part of your chest, waist is the smallest, hip is the biggest part of your hips/butt.

For bonus points, measure your neck, around your thigh, your bicep, the width of your shoulders, the length of your arm and the length of your leg. Now you can get fitted for anything!

Read size charts
Seriously. If the site you’re ordering from doesn’t have one, try to google one for the brand. It will save you a lot of time.

Understand fabrics
The stretchier the fabric the more give it has and the more you can fudge measurements. So look at materials and Google that if you are unsure, same with reviews. Common stretchy fabric names are lycra, elastane and spandex.

Now you are all set to order some clothes! If you need some one on one consulting, feel free to contact me and I would be happy to help you.

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